Category: Lessons Learned


Confidence Will Take You a Long Way

It honestly depends on what your parents instilled in you as a child. I’m the first of my family to leave the nest and get a four-year degree. I was my biggest doubter until I realized I was getting to college all by myself. However, it affected my confidence. I felt like I was alone in this world because only I really knew what I was doing. Confidence was also a problem because of occurences in my childhood, but we won’t go there. I had no financial help or any other assistance/support except for the love of my family and that’s all I needed.

That made me a little more confident to know I could do it all on my own. Applied to colleges, set up campus visits, filled out my own FAFSA every year, bought my books. You name it, I did it all by myself.  But you have no idea how shy and unaware of what I was capable of as a woman even just a year ago. I now live under my own motto of, “I don’t know what I’m capable of until I prove it to myself.”

Shy to Sure

I never thought in a million years that I would ever have the balls to actually be a server. As I said earlier, I was always a very shy girl. But only if you didn’t know me. When I became a good server, I put one more accomplishment on my list. Small victories to you, but huge hurdles to me.

My Small Victories

I’ve been working with a financial institution for four months now and since the day I started I’ve been studying for one mortgage test or another. Definitely no prior experience so I failed the first national mortgage exam because I wasn’t prepared enough. But I kept pushing, kept studying. The second time I was supposed to take it, I had lost my license the weekend before it.  No way I was getting in there without an ID because it’s a national testing site. Second time I took the test I passed! The blood, sweat and tears I put into that studying finally paid off and you better believe that was one of my small victories. The words I put on this blog can’t explain the hard work I put in nor can they explain the weight that came off my shoulders when I passed it. Literally. Besides graduating, this had been the next big accomplishment to prove to myself because it was the hardest test I ever took.

I am currently studying for the Indiana State Mortgage test so that I can sell mortgages in Indiana. When I pass that one, I’m on my way to testing for Michigan. Needless to say not much of a social life  for me.  But I sucked it up and put the time in and FREAKIN’ DID IT! And it was all worth it. I will soon be a loan officer– and since I was never good with numbers, this is a big step in a different direction for me and I WILL be good with these numbers.

Pursue many interests is another motto I live by! As you can see. If one door closes, another one gives you the confidence to keep going after your dream! Whatever that dream may be.

Hip Hop

I’m also working with some local artists by writing about them on this website, visiting them in the studio, and listening to their music so that I can help promote them and their music. I would eventually like to be a manager and boy do I have plans for Peter Haze and AW ThePrezident, who are great local talent that currently have no one managing them. You’ll know who they are soon. I’m in the middle of writing a post on them right now actually. Also another person has reached out to me as well about managing another group of artists here as well. I wish I had the money to manage these people how I’d like. But for now, I’m going to help them get where they need to be by using my knowledge, vision, and resources of the game.

Bottom Line is You Can Do Whatever You Put Your Mind To, And That’s Real! Put Your Hater Shades On and Show Everyone You CAN Do It!

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Product of Our Parents

Your kids are generally the product of what you’ve made them. But even then, you can lead a horse to water but can’t make it drink. You can instill good values in your kids, but when they grow up, they make their own choices; create they’re own values. Take me for example. There are things I definitely got from my parents –like simplicity. But I didn’t learn how to go after whatever I wanted. I didn’t know that I could do whatever I put my mind to until I got to college and proved it to myself. I didn’t know I was going to stand out from the crowd because I pursued a life my family didn’t even know existed. I’m never jealous of kid’s with different parents or a better life than mine because I know God put my family and I on this earth to be exactly how he wanted us to be.

Bad Apples

But, you have those  kids who have seen their dad beat on their mom, not work, live off the government, have no drive, no determination— just living, not learning. Not growing, but remaining stagnant. Some of those bad apples actually have great fathers, they just think they’re too good to listen to them or that they don’t have to listen to them period. Then there are the polar opposite ones — they have a horrible father and because that’s all they know, they become that same person without evening realizing it or meaning to.

Good Apples

These days I see people who are good parents, but their kids walk all over them. I also see great parents who pass on their wisdom to their kids and they acutally pick up on it. Lately I’ve met some really amazing people. I only keep those kind in my life but I get more intrigued every time I meet another person that’s on the same wavelength as me. There’s this guy…. he is a great man, great father, just overall good person. He has completely changed my perspective on men. There really are good ones out there! He has drive for everything he does, won’t settle for less, treats women with respect and he credits those qualities mainly to his father. Yes, he’s grown up to know right from wrong and actually follows it now, but he learned those values from his dad. He picked up on how to just be a good man by being around his father and seeing how he carried himself in every situation. Having a good father changes the way he views things for the better, and actually implements that into his every day life. Good father+good husband+good person=Good man

A Changing Man?

A Man Willing to Change

When a man commits to changing his  bad habits or ways for you, ladies, that’s when you know he’s a keeper. But if he doesn’t and would rather stick with the  habits than treat you like the queen you are, then what the hell are you doing with him is the question? There is a man who’s willing to change or there’s one out there that doesn’t even need to change, he’s already waiting and ready for you. Don’t keep the guys around who just want to give you the run around; say they love you but don’t show it; say they don’t talk to other women but you see it in their phone; say they’re down for you but don’t have your back when you reeaaalllyyy need it. You deserve the best, as long as you’re giving your best.

Woman In Charge

Without a doubt, no woman should ever have to put up with a man who doesn’t appreciate her. But we do. We do because we love them and because we’re scared to be alone, but I’m telling you that if you have YOU all the way together, you feel good about who you are and what you’re becoming or who you’ve become, bullshit becomes easier to see.  You get fed up with the bullshit and lies because you know your worth. You realize you are doing everything you need to be doing, but that the man is slacking because of some stuff they don’t want to talk about or because they assumed something  that wasn’t true, making you do the same thing, then you’re arguing for no reason and so on and so on….

But no man can ever take away that feeling a woman feels when she knows she’s the shit with or without that man. She’s given her all with only half ass effort in return. The love is always going to be something that’s irreplaceable because that person was special, but if the woman knows she’s not getting treated the way she should be and is giving all she possibly can, then she’s got to look out for herself. Even the man that loves her owes that to her. If he really loves her, he’ll let her go. But if he loves her enough he will change for her and always have her by his side.

Second Chances Are Worth Giving

If you give your man a second chance, he learns from his mistakes, and truly wants to do better for you, then be thankful you had one who cared enough about you and KNOWS his woman is the shit, and knows what he’s got in that relationship with her. If that goes accordingly, then it’s all rainbows and sunshine for you all.. Well, you know that’s a little far fetched, you will always have your little arguments but nothing that can’t be fixed because you realize you are both being stubborn. The little stuff isn’t such an issue anymore. And ladies, if you look at it this way, you can train them into how you want them to be, but really they’re doing the same thing to us 🙂 As long as you’re getting treated like a queen with the love you would never give up, those little fights just become funny to look back and laugh at.

Life After College

Customer Service

Just when I thought I was grown, I realized I had so much more to learn and experience. Just recently I graduated with a bachelor’s of arts degree from the Univ. of Indianapolis. I have been employed at Steak N Shake for 7 months, and although I’m ready to move on, I’m thankful for my experience as a server. I’ve learned how to give the ultimate customer service to anyone that walks through the SNS doors. In any business, the customer is numero uno. It makes me feel good to give the people what they want. I can’t make Steak N Shake my career because the restaurant industry isn’t for me. But I’m appreciative of learning how to manage my attitude in front of customers, of learning how to cope with random situations, and of learning how to cope with different types of co-workers.

Seeking a Career

In the past few days, I’ve had three interviews for full time positions. I’ve been called back for a second interview for two of the positions and for them, there is an opportunity for management. Mind you I’ve been waiting for a full time career since I graduated in May.  I accepted a position with Foundation Financial, a mortgage company on the north side of Indy, and am very glad I did. Already I can sense that I will succeed with the company as long as I’m giving my all to my career. Man, does that sound good to say. On the side I will be writing poems and hopefully getting my hip hop identity research paper edited so that I can one day publish that bad boy. I’m collecting poems and rewriting them in hopes of creating a small poetry book with the material being mostly about my childhood or past.

Originally, the reason for this website was to gain experience for a record label. Those dreams have seized for awhile.  I haven’t had professional experience with a record label, but was told as a writer, of whatever subject, I should always have an updated blog. Although I’ve taken a break from writing, I’ve grown in the process. Now, I’m seeking full time employment in any industry, and am with the man of my dreams. Although it hasn’t always been rainbows and magic for us, we have worked through some serious dilemmas and are ready to live life as a happy little couple.  Life couldn’t seem to get much better than this.

Pursue Many Interests

Why am I writing about all this on my hip hop based blog website, you’re probably wondering. But I’m seeking exactly what you are; the American dream. From now on, this website isn’t going to be used solely for hip hop material.I have a lot of good insight that I feel that I should share with other people rather than being restrained to one specific subject. Life isn’t meant to take you one certain way. As you can see, you should always pursue different interests in order to end up where you’re truly meant to be. Stay tuned peeps 🙂

 

Trust

If you’ve found yourself to be one of those people to have trust issues, well…. Join the club. At one point in our lives, we’ve had our trust taken from us in one way or another — whether it’s been from a boyfriend, girlfriend, or even a family member. As human beings, we find that trust is a serious quality that is too often taken advantage of. Once you mess up the trust in a relationship, it’s hard to get that security back. If they do it once, they’ll surely do it again, right?

The People You Keep Around…

People can change, though, can’t they? Maybe less often than they say they will change but it is a possibility.. Think about the last time someone broke your trust. Were you able to eventually forgive them or are you even still mad at them? It depends on you as an individual and it depends on what that person did to break the bond you once had. Sometimes people are stronger than others and are able to eliminate the people who have been untrustworthy on the spot. Some people keep those folks around for comfort and all that, and in the end, it just ends up being a worse scenario.

Through life, I’ve learned that I can’t be trusting with everyone right off the bat. Maybe that’s a negative mentality to have, but trust is not a entity that comes easily when trust has been broken by more than one person. You’ll sometimes even find that family members will screw you over somehow in some way. If the people that love you are able to do it, just imagine what someone who doesn’t love you can do to you. That person will tell you lies, have you believing them every time, and even second guessing yourself for reasons you shouldn’t be. They can take your heart out of your chest, in a sense, and rip it to pieces — just because they are selfish and are not at all worried about your feelings. They say and do whatever to keep you around at their convenience. Watch out for them. They are there even if you don’t see them.

P.S. Some people deserve second chances… Some don’t.

What’s Your Inspiration?

What Inspires You?

If you’re on the path to happiness, there are a few things you  have to keep in mind. You can’t be the only one giving yourself motivation or inspiration all the time. Sometimes you have to look elsewhere.  May that be online, friends, books, etc. There are entities out there that will keep you focused and positive. We all need as much help as we can get. I’m reading a book of motivational and inspirational quotes that are really help me stay focused on ME. The quotes will do the same for you. The book is called “Keep Believing in Yourself and Your Dreams.” I’m going to share 4 quotes per post and I’m going to do this until I’m out of quotes.

  • “What you think of yourself is far more important than what others think of you” — I love this quote because it makes you realize it really doesn’t matter who’s hating on you for whatever reason. You are the only one in control of yourself. What you tell yourself is what you act on. If you’re letting the negativity get you down, talk yourself out of it. Make yourself realize you are more important than what others see or say. You have to coach yourself because after a certain age, mommy and daddy can’t tell you what you SHOULD do. God didn’t put you on this earth to live through other people. He put you in charge because he knows you’re capable of doing it for you.
  • “The possibilities are unlimited if you reach beyond what is comfortable”– If you stay idle in your comfort zone, you will never progress. We all like to feel like we’re comfortable with something, but the fact of the matter is, we cannot progress and excel in our careers, relationships,  if we are comfortable with every aspect of them. You’re not being challenged enough if you remain comfortable through it all. After you pass the feeling of uneasiness, you realize the power you actually have. You get to prove to yourself you can do just about anything.
  • “Create your own destiny and success will follow you on your journey” –We are here to find out what it is we are destined for. To some, it’s more obvious than others. For example, I didn’t know what I was destined for until after graduating from college. Some people know before they begin their freshman year at college, but everyone is different! You have to find out, for yourself, what it is you were put on this earth for. Remember, there’s a reason for everything!
  • “Find many interests and pursue them”– This is one of my favorite quotes because I’m doing just that. I’m finding more than one thing that I’m passionate about and I’m pursuing each one as if it’s the only one I have. Because I haven’t always known what I wanted to do, I kept an open mind that someday I would find what makes me happy. After you see yourself progress in more than one industry or interest, you see the power behind your own mind. Until you do it, you have no clue what it’s capable of. And it’s capable of so much!

You know I like to integrate my two subject matters on this site. So this post isn’t about hip hop. It’s about respect. So many people these days (I’m not going to point fingers, yet) are looking for respect, but not giving it. In my experience, that sh** doesn’t fly. You cannot approach me seeking respect if you’re not going to give it back. For example, I live by the Golden Rule. If you treat me well, I’ll hold you down basically til the end or until you show me I shouldn’t hold you down anymore. If you treat me like crap, my body automatically tells me not to mess with your type. I can read people really well and can smell BS from a mile away. If you’re not really down for me, you can’t step foot into my circle.

I’m not trying to make this post about me, but just giving you an insight as to how my mind thinks. Some people can go their whole lives only caring about themselves. And those are the ones who expect respect even when they don’t give respect in return. Both men and women are this way. You all probably see this on a daily basis. I see this mostly in the men who are interested in me. I’m sure men see women this way, too, but this is my perspective. Some men these days are really trying to BS these women out here. Some of the women fall for it which just ends in unhappiness. They just find out when it’s too late. The women who are aware of this make better decisions, but can still fall for a man who doesn’t have her best interest at heart. It all goes back to respect. If a man respects you, you’ll be able to tell. If you respect him, it just makes for a better relationship. Trust has to be there, though, and that’s a whole different subject.

I try to be aware of how I’m treating people if I’m getting treated the wrong way. I always evaluate both parties. I don’t always assume the other person is the one in the wrong. I have to consider that I may be too. It’s important to always put yourself in someone else’s position. I’m just trying to tell all of you to be aware of what the other person wants from you—male or female so that you know what to give back. That way you can either give them the respect they deserve or kick them to the curb. You better be seeking to gain respect, too…

Just Want To Be Successful?

In Order to Be Successful…

What I’ve learned from this little life so far is that in order to be truly successful, you have to be willing to do something you haven’t done before. That’s the same with making yourself happy — you have to be willing to go the extra mile, because happiness doesn’t come so easy for some of us. You have to befriend people you otherwise wouldn’t. You never know who you can really relate to unless you think outside of the box. People who are exactly like you or are your same age can get you into trouble sometimes. You need friends who are positive, willing to put forth a friendship that isn’t based on negativity, and who keep you uplifted rather than bring you down. Befriend an honest person instead of a cheat. Sometimes cheats aren’t so noticeable when you’re looking them in the face, but eventually their bad side(s) come(s) out. Get away from them and their type as soon as you can. That only leads to destruction.

Work, Work, Work

Aside from the people in your life, the next biggest step to feeling and being successful is of course, having a job. Generally not just any job will do either. Some of us go to school to get a better job. Others of us would rather have actual experience instead of just a college degree or even high school diploma. If you’d rather work in a factory and work yourself up to owning your own, then that is being successful, too. But my way of working up in life is through school. I’ve graduated with a Bachelor’s degree and I don’t even feel like I’m getting close to starting my career. Although I’ve done internships and am holding a part time position at Steak and Shake, I haven’t found my first full time job yet. That is also just me being impatient, but I am definitely trying to stay positive because I know my time is coming! I know that I’m doing what it takes to get to the next step by applying, applying and applying to full time positions. I’m not going to get discouraged. I know my life is panning out how it should, and I’m working hard to get to a better place in life.

Hustle

Regardless of your background or education, you have to be willing to do what it takes to pay the bills. Just imagine what it’s like working a full time job and getting that first pay check. 40 hours a week is way better than 30 or less. The full time paycheck is drastically different than your part time paycheck. Being able to envision this will have you making better steps to get to the actual thing. You will expect more of yourself if your envisioning this and eventually you will be acting out your own vision.

Put You First

You have to be willing to put yourself first in order to be successful as well. God also needs to be first. Keep those two on the same level and things will start changing for you.  Sometimes it’s hard to put yourself first because you are used to putting our family first, like I used to or maybe even your friends come first. But the fact of the matter is, you are the only one in control of your life. Granted, God is a big force behind your heartbeat, but he also put you in control of your life secondly. You have to own up to your life, own up to finding out what you were put on this earth for, and you have to own up to reaching that goal. You also have to be willing to put the past to rest. If there’s one thing that haunts you from your past or if there’s more than one, you have to kiss that life goodbye to make room for your new one. It’s not as though you’re dismissing it like it didn’t happen, but putting it behind you so that your new life has room to breathe and grow.

How to Know Which Friend Fits You Best

I’ve always had friends, best friends, decent friends, and even just acquaintances, like many of you have.  But I never knew the true meaning of friendship until just recently. I’ve never kept too many friends around because usually they tend to screw me over. I never let them get too close because I was scared they’d do it again. So I kept the friendships to a minimum and stuck to myself for the most part. This world is one crazy place to live, and unfortunately, you’re going to have more friends screw you over than not. But the sooner you realize this, the better. Knowing that there are more petty people out here than there are nice people, will provide you with an insight on how to choose friends. It’s like trying on shoes. You have to find the pair that fits you. Not everyone is worthy of your time. Not every shoe fits. Sometimes you discover that a little too late, but hopefully you learn from those mistakes as you go.

True Friendship

It took me 22 years to find a true friendship. I’ve had my fair share of getting screwed over, believe me.  You’ll even find that family doesn’t have your back as much as you think, which is why friendship is so important. I’m not dismissing my other friendships as less than or  fake, especially not the people I’ve considered my “best friends.” I’m just saying that my friendship with Myla Edmond has been drastically different than any other relationship I’ve had with a friend. She really took time to get to know me. She never asks for anything in return, our conversation is good enough. She makes me see the good in myself when I can’t see it. She cares more about other people than herself. I could keep going, but I’ll only say one more thing. Even through her struggles in life, she kept a smile on her face. I share some of her struggles. God knew I needed a positive person in my life and he sent me Myla. I’m beyond blessed for that.

True friendship is also important because your friends may understand more than your family does. They may have gone through the exact same circumstance as you. Family won’t understand as well as someone who has been through it. If your family is giving you problems, you’ve got your friends to help you through it. Because I had been screwed over so many times, I just dismissed friendship all together. I didn’t think I needed it at all. I was my own best friend, but even I wasn’t providing enough for myself in that regard. The thoughts that went through my head actually weren’t good for me at all. My best friend Myla helped me through that. Not only is she my best friend, she’s my mentor and my sister. No one could ever take her place.

Find a Friend Like…

Find a friend who treats you like family. Find a friend you know you couldn’t stand to live without. Find a friend you trust with your life. Live by those guidelines and your friendships will change. If you’re cool with negative friends, keep those. If you want a change, switch things up.

Facebook and Twitter

Most of us these days use Facebook and Twitter to socialize. People fail to realize that these social media sites were created for college students and for companies. Had the creators of these sites known what people might use them for, they may not have created them at all. But real companies are actually getting a lot of good exposure from the sites that people are using to update about the nonsense that’s going on in their lives, who they’re dating, what they’re mad about that day, etc.

Good Image/Bad Image

I know my cousin wouldn’t want me to use her as an example, but I’m going to anyway to prove my point. Just yesterday my 13 year old cousin posted a FB status talking about who’s “butt” she was going to whoop because the girl called her two bad names. I understand that may be a young kid’s first reaction–to post something letting the girl know that she was going to do something about this. But there are sooo many things wrong with that statement. I let her know that was not creating a good image for her. I couldn’t ignore that. I think if something has to be said, she’d better say it to her face. I didn’t encourage her to fight, though, just encouraged her not to post things like that.

How Your Future Can Be at Jeopardy

Eventually, if you’re serious about a future career, you can’t post incriminating things about yourself or carry yourself that way, because you just may not get the job you want. Organizations look at those social media sites to see how you carry yourself with your friends because that’s ultimately the best way to judge you outside of a work setting. The way you present yourself plays a big role in how others see you. If you’re not presenting yourself in a good way, then no one else is going to see the good in you. Just be aware of how you carry yourself.